In October, my son, Oliver, celebrated his first birthday. Some days, it still strikes me as surreal that this tiny human exists. Other days, I cannot even remember what life was like without him. All the same, this past year has taught me a lot about parenthood and myself too. Here are just a few of the things I learned:
People say that parenthood doesn’t come with a handbook, but in reality, there are several available for purchase at your local Barnes & Noble. I am learning to trust my gut though, instead of what someone else has to say about raising children. I can admit that I am not the best parent, and you definitely should not take my advice about the subject, but I do think I am the best parent for my son.
Our once quiet home suddenly became so loud. But it’s not the loudness that bothers me. It’s the absence of sound that I find truly terrifying. It usually means my son is doing something he should not be doing. And don’t even get me started about how many times I sneak into his bedroom at night to make sure he is still breathing.
I may never have as much patience as my son deserves.
As I watched my son play Tiddlywinks with his Cheerios, I realized my house would never be clean until the day he moved out.
I thought to raise an infant was going to be hard, but that was easy. All my son did was eat, sleep, poop, and repeat. Now my son rappels off furniture, pulls all of the pots and pans out of the cupboard, dumps cat food all over the floor, yells and contorts during every diaper change, pulls the cats’ tails, and throws the clothes I just neatly put away in his dresser all over his bedroom floor. He might be a tyrant.
All of my expectations about how I would parent have flown right out the window, and I am slowly learning to accept the reality that I am of the “World’s Okayest Mom” ilk.
There is only one thing worse than researching symptoms on WebMD, and that is researching anything to do with your child’s health or your child’s development. The only articles and message board responses are ones that reinforce the idea that your child has a highly contagious plague, or you’re definitely failing as a parent.
I have never felt more scrutinized in my life than when I became a parent, and I’m still trying to cope with that. I can’t tell if it’s benign curiosity or actual concern for my son’s well-being, but adults think it’s acceptable to point out blemishes on my son and ask what caused it. Where did he get that bruise? I don’t know. I just told you he rappels from furniture, right?That red blemish on his ear? It’s a hemangioma; no, I did not pinch him or try to pierce his ear. Is that even a real question?
Nothing invites unsolicited advise more than being a parent. I suspect it’s worse for mothers than fathers, but I can’t confirm. Sometimes the advice is worth listening to, but other times it’s okay, and sometimes necessary, to say “no thank you”.
I thought life moved fast before, but now it’s going so fast it’s practically breaking the sound barrier.
I have searched for a tea tasting journal for the past few years, but I never found exactly what I was looking for; so, I have been writing in whatever journal I had sitting around. Notes are scattered throughout four different journals, which are now tucked under odd places, like the couch, in Oliver’s toy basket, under the bed– anywhere Oliver manages to fling them, really. Finally, I decided on a new home–a trusty, 98 cent Composition notebook, that I now keep well out of Oliver’s reach!
Last weekend, I sipped Jasmine Pearls from Adagio Teas. I don’t know what made me grab this particular tea. It’s not one I typically drink, and it was only in my collection because it came in my Christmas advent calendar. I have avoided it because Oliver’s pediatrician mentioned jasmine teas (and mint teas) could have negative impacts on a nursing mother’s milk supply, but now that Oliver is eating solids foods as well now, I have become less restrictive.
Aside from that, jasmine just isn’t a flavor I appreciate. I like some floral flavors, like rose, but I think jasmine can make tea taste like perfume or quite bitter. Still, I sipped on.
The tea was dark green leaves, scented with jasmine, and they were wound tightly into little balls reminiscent of a pearl. They came in a tea bag, though the Jasmine Phoenix Dragon Pearls seem comparable if you want a loose leaf variety. I decided to cut open the tea bag, so I could brew the pearls loose, and what a smart decision that was because these pearls unfurled into full, big tea leaves that could be steeped multiple times.
The initial steep had the most prominent jasmine flavor followed by a slight sweetness from the green tea. The following steeps lost the sweetness from green tea, but the jasmine seemed to mellow. Overall, I thought this tea had a nice, balanced flavor– never perfume-like and never bitter. I steeped this three times, but I think I could have steeped this a fourth and possibly even a fifth, which surprised me considering this started in a teabag!
Where do you record your tea tasting notes? Do you keep a pen and paper journal, or do you record everything digitally?
Looking for teas with floral notes? Check out these tasTEA recommendations:
If I thought life moved fast before, adding a child into the mix makes life move in hyper speed. I can’t believe Oliver turns one month in just a few days. Parenthood is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I haven’t even gotten to the challenging part yet (which I assume is adolescence). I mean, look at him. He’s giving me so much side-eye. It’s like he knows I’m incompetent at this parenthood thing.
What I’ve learned so far:
I knew nothing of anxiety before. Those times when I had to talk myself up just to take the laundry down to the laundry unit at the apartment or those times when I had to write out a script before making a phone call seem laughable to me now. That’s nothing compared to the time Oliver spit up so much that milk cake out his nose, and he started choking. Or the first time I had to drive him to a doctor’s appointment by myself. Or you know, bringing him home for the first time.
Similarly, I don’t think I’ve been so aware of human mortality. I can’t keep track of how many times I check him just to make sure he’s still breathing.
The advice “sleep when baby sleeps” is good advice assuming baby sleeps anywhere other than your arms. That being said, the stars have aligned these last two days, and I was able to take THREE three-hour naps. I’m handling the exhaustion better (and with almost no caffeine aside from a fun sized candy bar or two). That being said, in the throes of sleep deprivation, I became really frustrated while changing his diaper because he wouldn’t stop wailing, so I said to him, “I’m really mad at you”. I still feel guilty about it even though I know he didn’t hear me on account of his screams were as loud as a space shuttle launching into space.
Speaking of diapers, I thought I’d be more grossed out by the various bodily fluids my son expels. On to me. Now it’s just mostly annoying because I have to do so much laundry.
I remember during the first week, I cried during one of Oliver’s five-hour cluster feeding sessions because I had gone from full-time accountant to full-time food bag. Now I realize how hard returning to work will be. I planned to return after six weeks, but I pushed my return date back two weeks. Even that doesn’t seem like a sufficient amount of time, and I can’t help but dwell on how purposeless accounting seems now compared to being a food bag.
#currentlyreading
The one perk that comes with sleep deprivation (aside from bonding with baby) is I’m spending a lot more time reading. The books that are keeping me company right now are:
Fascism: a Warning by Madeleine Albright: This book isn’t easy to read in the wee hours of the morning, so I wait until my eyelids aren’t drooping to dive in to this non-fiction novel. Albright explores fascism in the early 20th century and draws parallels with contemporary world leaders.
Grave Mercyby Robin LaFevers: I bought this book probably two years ago, and I just sat down to start reading it the other night. I wish I would have read this book sooner. So far, I’m loving the blend of fantasy and historical fiction. It reminds me of Skyrim’s Dark Brotherhood if it existed in the high court of Brittany instead.
October Teaviews
I’ve also started to work my way through my extensive tea collection hoard. Seriously, I have over 100 different types of tea in my cupboards/pantry/just sitting on my kitchen floor.
Teaster Marshmallow Tea from Adagio: green rooibos tea, apple pieces, candy sprinkles, vanilla creme flavor, marigold flowers, and apricots. My greatest impulse purchase (this year) occurred around Easter. I had a promotional email from Adagio that prompted me to go on a scavenger hunt on their website for a chance to win a free bag of their Teaster Marshmallow tea. Not only do I not usually drink rooibos tea, but I also did not need any of the other teas I purchased that day (because you know…free shipping). But, OMG this tea! From it’s colorful Easter sprinkles to its vanilla creme flavor— I might be obsessed. A spoonful of sugar takes it to a whole new level. It really is like a marshmallow peep, except there is less self-loathing after finishing a bag of the Teaster Marshmallow tea.
Dawn Tea from Turmeric Tea: Assam Black Tea, Cinnamon, Ginger, Turmeric Root, Cardamom, Black and Pink Pepper Corns. I had high hopes for this tea. Just look at that beautiful blend! I expected it to be spicy and for flavors of cinnamon and ginger to explode on my tongue, but it ended up being a rather mild spiced chai. The dominant flavor was cinnamon, which I can’t complain about though.
Books on my Radar
There is just one book I added to my TBR list this month, which is the Clockmaker’s Daughter by Kate Morton. I’ve seen this book on just about everyone’s instagram feed lately.
From Goodreads: In the summer of 1862, a group of young artists led by the passionate and talented Edward Radcliffe descends upon Birchwood Manor on the banks of the Upper Thames. Their plan: to spend a secluded summer month in a haze of inspiration and creativity. But by the time their stay is over, one woman has been shot dead while another has disappeared; a priceless heirloom is missing; and Edward Radcliffe’s life is in ruins.
Over one hundred and fifty years later, Elodie Winslow, a young archivist in London, uncovers a leather satchel containing two seemingly unrelated items: a sepia photograph of an arresting-looking woman in Victorian clothing, and an artist’s sketchbook containing the drawing of a twin-gabled house on the bend of a river.
Told by multiple voices across time, The Clockmaker’s Daughter is a story of murder, mystery, and thievery, of art, love and loss. And flowing through its pages like a river, is the voice of a woman who stands outside time, whose name has been forgotten by history, but who has watched it all unfold: Birdie Bell, the clockmaker’s daughter.
How was your October? What are you currently reading, and what books did you add to your wishlist this month?
When I stepped back from blogging last June, I didn’t think my hiatus would last over a year. Between a death in the family and my promotion at work, I was in dire need of a mental reset, but I ended up burning myself out instead. Everything became so routine, and I couldn’t even bring myself to spend time on a hobby that, in the past, provided me with a creative outlet. However, there were two recent life events that acted as a catalyst for my return to the blogosphere:
I turned THIRTY this July, and I’ve been looking forward to this decade for the past five years. It’s been this mental milestone of mine that if I could just make it to thirty, things would start falling in to place, and this would be the decade that I discovered Me. (So far, I’m off to a slow start, ha!)
On October 3, Jon and I welcomed our baby boy, Oliver Robert, into the world. There are few life events that force one to become introspective and to re-assess ones priorities quite like entering the world of parenthood for the first time.
Pardon the bags under my eyes and the disheveled hair, but do I look grown up, yet?
Actually, I attempted to re-brand and create a new blog for my road to self-discovery and motherhood, but it just felt weird. My voice didn’t sound like my voice, and my readers didn’t sound like my readers. It seemed inauthentic and foreign, and so I let the blog sink quietly into the sea of all the other abandoned blogs on the interwebs. Then I spent the last few nights reading through some of my old posts here on Books & Tea By Golly, Ollie!, and I realized this is my home on the web. I spent six years writing here– writing that I’m proud of– and I can’t imagine blogging anywhere else. So, here I am, blowing off the dust and brushing away the cobwebs on my blog.
It’s been a while. How have you been? How is your October, so far?
By Golly, Ollie! 